The danger of a single story—and how to rewrite yours through Narrative Therapy
The Power and Limitation of Stories
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie famously spoke about "The Danger of a Single Story" — how hearing only one perspective about a person or group can create stereotypes, misunderstandings, and harm. When we reduce someone to a single narrative, we overlook the complexity, the richness, and the many truths that make up their experience.
But this danger isn't just about how others see us — it's also about the stories we tell ourselves — the internalised narratives that shape how we see our own worth and possibility.
The Stories That Hold Us Back
Often, after painful experiences — being dismissed, unheard, or denied — we begin to tell ourselves single stories about who we are. Despite these experiences being layered and complex — shaped by circumstance, relationships, systems and chance — it’s easy to form rigid, inflexible narratives that centre ourselves as the problem. These stories often centre disempowerment, shame, hopelessness, or worthlessness. They emerge as a way to make sense of what’s happened to us or to protect ourselves when safety has been shaken. They might sound like:
"I'm not good enough."
“It’s my fault this happened to me”
"My pain doesn't matter."
These narratives shape how we see ourselves and how we move through the world. They can limit our potential, isolate us, and deepen our suffering.
Now, you might be wondering, why would I tell myself a negative story about who I am… as a way to protect myself? It sounds silly!
Our minds often create these stories as a way to cope with experiences that feel unsafe or overwhelming. Negative self-stories often begin as protective adaptations. When painful or traumatic experiences leave us feeling powerless, the mind looks for order and control. Blaming ourselves — “I’m the problem” — can feel safer than facing chaos or betrayal, because it offers a sense of predictability and the illusion of agency. Research on self-blame shows that these beliefs can help us cope when safety or connection is threatened. Over time, though, what once protected us can become confining, keeping us tied to shame rather than supporting our growth.
Understanding the Roots: Systemic Issues and Personal Worth
It's important to recognise that these harmful stories don't exist in a vacuum. They are rooted in both our personal experiences — being dismissed, invalidated, or marginalised — and in broader societal systems like capitalism, ableism, and cultural messages around worth.
Acknowledging this helps us see that these stories are not truths about our inherent worth but reflections of painful experiences and broader societal problems.
Like every human, I've also faced painful experiences that influence how I see myself. As someone who has carried shame for not being able to meet perceived societal expectations—despite economic barriers, chronic illness, and a world increasingly forcing us to focus on survival — it’s easy to internalise the story that we are the sole cause of all our strife. I know how heavy and isolating it is to hold onto that story. I also know that this story can be rewritten.
The Possibility of Change
Here's what's possible: We have the power to reshape these narratives.
By understanding the full context of our experiences and recognising our inherent value, we can begin to write stories of resilience, hope, and empowerment. We can see ourselves as worthy of love, respect, and kindness. So how do we turn these possibilities into real change? Let me tell you a story about Narrative Therapy.
What is Narrative Therapy?
Narrative therapy is a gentle and empowering approach that helps you explore the stories you've been living by and discover new meanings.
It invites you to separate yourself from your problems — to see the issues as external influences rather than fixed parts of your identity.
It helps you uncover overlooked strengths, values, and hopes that have been buried beneath dominant, limiting narratives.
Together with a counsellor, you can co-create new stories that reflect your complexity and resilience.
Instead of “I’m lazy because I’m not meeting the expectations placed on me,” you might discover “I’m navigating a world with unrealistic demands and doing my best under challenging circumstances.” The story moves from self-blame to resilience and perspective. Feeling resistance to that? Join the club. There’s a reason self-blaming stories are so compelling — they’ve often served a protective purpose for us for a really long time, so its natural to cling to them - even when they make us feel bad about ourselves! And let’s be honest, showing ourselves compassion is hard work, especially when we’ve been carrying these stories for so long.
We don’t have to rewrite our stories overnight. Even noticing a different perspective — one that is less self-blaming — can ease shame, create space between you and the problems you face, and uncover strengths and choices you hadn’t recognised before.
Is Narrative Therapy Right for You?
Narrative therapy can be especially powerful if:
You feel defined by past pain or trauma
You're navigating chronic illness, neurodivergence or a mental health diagnosis that has left you feeling reduced to your struggles rather than seen as a whole person
You've internalised messages that you're "too much" or "not enough"
You're carrying shame from being dismissed or invalidated
You're ready to see yourself as more than your struggles
If you've found yourself stuck in painful stories about who you are or what you deserve, narrative therapy might be the space you need to rediscover your voice and rewrite your narrative.
You Deserve a Different Story
You deserve to live a story where you are seen, valued, and empowered. Where your complexity is honoured and your resilience is recognised. Where the struggles you've faced don't define you—they're simply part of a much larger, richer narrative.
Ready to Rewrite Your Story?
If you're curious about how narrative therapy could support you, I'd love to connect.
Book a free 15-minute consultation to explore whether this approach feels right for you. No pressure—just a conversation about where you are now and where you'd like to be.
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Written by
Liz O’Neill
BSc Psych., MA Couns.,
Registered Counsellor
Founder of Among Puffins Counselling
E: amongpuffinscounselling@gmail.com
Liz O'Neill is a registered counsellor (ACA Level 2) offering online narrative therapy across Australia. She specialises in supporting individuals who have been made to feel invisible, unrecognised, or reduced to a label—particularly those navigating neurodivergence, chronic illness, complex grief, family trauma, and systemic oppression.