Misconceptions About Trauma Therapy and What Safe, Trauma-Informed Care Can Look Like
Trauma is the response to experiences where safety or wellbeing was compromised. When danger overwhelms our capacity to cope, our nervous system, emotions, and sense of self adapt to protect us. As clinicians and researchers like Bessel van der Kolk and Judith Herman have long documented, these adaptations are not weaknesses, they are survival strategies. Trauma can shape the way we relate to ourselves, others and the world.
With the rise of trauma awareness on social media and in popular psychology, many people feel more inspired than ever to explore therapy and healing from past responses. This is overall a wonderful net positive; more people recognising their pain and seeking support. However, the rise of trauma awareness has a shadow side. When information is consumed in short, sharp bursts that favour absolutes over nuance, harmful oversimplifications can spread just as quickly as helpful ones. Recent media coverage has highlighted cases where therapy has gone wrong, sometimes conflating problematic practitioner behaviour with the therapeutic approaches themselves. This makes it more important than ever to understand what safe, ethical trauma therapy actually looks like.
Understanding the Difference Between Modality and Practice
Here's what's crucial to understand: any therapeutic modality - whether it's Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or psychodynamic approaches - can be helpful or harmful depending on how it's practised. When therapy causes harm, it's usually not because the approach itself is inherently dangerous, but because:
The therapist lacks proper training or supervision
Boundaries are crossed or ethics are violated
The practitioner pushes their own agenda rather than following the client's needs
Techniques are applied rigidly without attending to safety and pacing
The therapist is working outside their scope of competence
This doesn't mean all approaches are equally suited to everyone. Some modalities may genuinely not be the right fit for your particular situation, or may not resonate with the way you process and make meaning in life. You can have a skilled, ethical therapist using an approach that simply isn't working for you. That's called a mismatch, not malpractice. The crucial difference is that a good therapist will recognise when an approach isn't helping and either adapt their methods or support you in finding a better fit, rather than insisting you continue with something that isn't serving you.
Common Misconceptions About Trauma Therapy
Trauma therapy solely focuses on historic events & is just about "digging up the past."
Some people believe trauma work means repeatedly revisiting painful memories in excruciating detail. In reality, effective trauma-informed therapy prioritises safety, pacing, and building coping resources first. Memory work, when it happens, is done carefully and only when someone feels stable enough to process it. Many trauma-informed therapists focus primarily on present-day functioning, relationships, and nervous system regulation rather than detailed exploration of the past. The goal isn't to endlessly relive pain - it's to help you move through the world with more ease and agency.
You need to "recover" forgotten memories to heal.
This is one of the most dangerous misconceptions out there. While some memories may become clearer over time as you feel safer, ethical trauma therapists do not use suggestive techniques to "uncover" supposedly repressed memories. Memory is reconstructive and vulnerable to influence. Good therapy works with whatever you already know about your experiences, without pressure to remember more or differently. If you don't remember something, that's okay. Healing doesn't require perfect recall - it requires safety, understanding, and the chance to build a life that feels liveable now.
Talking it out is enough to heal.
While talking can help, trauma also shapes how our bodies respond, how our nervous systems regulate, and how we relate to others. That's why approaches like Emotion-Focused Therapy, somatic therapies, and parts-based work integrate feelings, meaning-making, and body awareness to support lasting change. Different people respond to different approaches, there is no single "right" way to heal.
Moving on from trauma should be dramatic or instantaneous.
Social media often portrays trauma healing as cathartic breakthroughs or highly visual "transformations"; the moment where everything clicks into place. (Honestly, I could write ten blog posts on social media and mental health content alone, but I'll spare you for now). Lightbulb moments do happen in therapy, and when they do, they can be exciting, empowering, and motivating. But setbacks, confusion, and periods of feeling stuck are also part of the process. Real healing is often more subtle and layered. It's learning to notice your patterns without shame, It’s starting to regulate your nervous system when things feel hard. It's about reclaiming your agency in small, steady ways. Quick fixes or over-dramatised portrayals can mislead people about what therapy actually involves. This can leave you feeling like you're "doing it wrong," when in reality, healing from trauma is less about reaching a destination and more about strengthening your evolving relationship with yourself.
All therapists can safely work with trauma.
Trauma-informed care requires specific training, experience, and understanding of safety, pacing, and boundaries. A licensed mental health professional does not guarantee sound trauma competence. Someone without this expertise may inadvertently retraumatise, miss warning signs of deterioration, or overlook critical needs. It's okay to ask a therapist about their training and experience with trauma before you begin. You might ask: 'What specific training do you have in trauma therapy, and what approaches do you typically use?' A good response will be specific (naming actual modalities like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or trauma-focused CBT), honest about their experience level, and welcoming of your question.
If you feel worse in therapy, you're just "processing."
While some temporary discomfort can be part of therapy, you should not feel consistently overwhelmed, destabilised, or unsafe. Good trauma-informed therapy includes regular check-ins about how you're coping between sessions and adjustments when things feel like too much. "Processing" shouldn't mean living in crisis or leaving the therapy room feeling overwhelmed, underprepared or unsafe in your body.
Red Flags in Therapy
If any of these resonate, it may indicate your therapist is not practising safely or ethically:
Pressure to relive painful memories before you feel ready or without adequate preparation and stabilisation
Suggestive questioning about whether certain things "might have happened" to you, especially regarding abuse or memories you don't recall
Overemphasis on trauma or your history rather than also building coping skills, safety, or recognising your strengths
Lack of attention to boundaries, pacing, or consent - you feel pushed beyond your window of tolerance
Dismissal of your experiences or invalidation of your feelings when you express concerns
Encouraging you to cut off relationships without careful, collaborative exploration of your situation
Excessive self-disclosure about the therapist's own trauma or personal life
Creating dependency or discouraging you from having other supportive relationships
Rigid application of techniques without adjusting to your unique needs and responses
No supervision or consultation — therapists should be consulting with other professionals about complex cases and engaging in regular supervision
Becoming defensive or angry when you question their approach or express discomfort
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
What Trauma-Informed Therapy Actually Looks Like
Safe, ethical trauma-informed therapy emphasises:
Safety and choice. You feel secure in the therapeutic relationship, and your pace is always respected. You can say "this is too much right now" and be heard. The therapy room should feel like one of the safest places in your life, not one of the most destabilising.
Agency. You are an active participant and expert on your own experience, not a passive recipient of treatment. Therapy is collaborative. You're not being "fixed" - you're being supported to reclaim your own sense of self and possibility.
Integration. Emotions, body sensations, thoughts, relationships, and your broader life context are all considered. You're treated as a whole person, not just a collection of symptoms or a single story. Your strengths, values, and hopes matter just as much as your pain.
Validation and collaboration. Your experiences are believed, your concerns are taken seriously, and therapy feels like a partnership.
Ethical boundaries. The relationship is clearly professional. Your therapist maintains appropriate limits while being warm and supportive. You should never feel confused about the nature of the relationship or pressured into intimacy that feels uncomfortable.
Evidence-informed practice. Your therapist can explain their approach, why they're suggesting certain techniques, and what the research says. They adapt methods to fit you rather than forcing you to fit the method. If something isn't working, they adjust.
Regular check-ins. Your therapist asks how you're doing between sessions, whether the work feels helpful, and adjusts when needed. You shouldn't have to wait weeks to tell someone that therapy is making things worse.
Transparency about training. A good therapist is clear about their qualifications, training, and areas of expertise. They refer out when something is beyond their competence. This isn't a limitation - it's responsible duty of care.
Focus on present resources. Even when processing past events, there's attention to building your capacity to manage difficult emotions and stay grounded in the present. You're not just uncovering pain, you're learning how to hold it in the present without it consuming you.
Safe, trauma-informed therapy can help you:
Feel seen and understood without judgement
Reconnect with your body and emotions at your own pace
Build coping skills and resilience
Make sense of your experiences with compassion
Develop healthier relationships with yourself and others
Moving Forward
Working with trauma is rarely linear, dramatic, or fast. It’s learning to notice your patterns without shame, regulate your emotions when they feel overwhelming, connect safely with others, and gradually reclaim your sense of self. It's subtle, steady, and ultimately empowering.
If you feel stuck, retraumatised, or consistently overwhelmed in therapy, trust your instincts. It's okay to:
Raise concerns directly with your therapist (A good therapeutic relationship should feel safe enough to express doubts or discomfort. If it doesn't, that might be a sign the fit may not be right for you)
Seek consultation with another professional
Take a break to stabilise
Find a different therapist who's a better fit
You're not failing if therapy isn't working. Sometimes the fit isn't right. Sometimes the approach isn't suitable. Sometimes the therapist isn't skilled enough. None of that is your fault.
You deserve care that is safe, skilled, and empowering. Trauma-informed therapy is about more than revisiting the past, it's about learning, integrating, and reclaiming your life with support that honours your pace, agency, and complexity.
When therapy is practised well, regardless of the modality, it should leave you feeling more capable, not more fragile. You should feel like the person sitting across from you believes in your capacity to heal and helps you believe it too.
You Deserve Care That Sees Your Whole Story
If you're navigating the aftermath of a harmful therapeutic experience or wondering whether your current support is truly serving you, I see you. Your concerns are valid. Your instincts matter. And you deserve better.
Written by
Liz O'Neill
BSc Psych., MA Couns.,
Registered Counsellor
Founder of Among Puffins Counselling
E: amongpuffinscounselling@gmail.com
I'm a registered counsellor working from trauma-informed, emotion-focused and narrative approaches. My practice honorus the principles outlined in this post: safety, collaboration, ethical boundaries, and respect for your agency and pace. If you're looking for support that sees your complexity and doesn't reduce you to your struggles, reach out today.